Transforming

           It’s been a while without Internet connection, so my updates are few. I’m safe in Zimbabwe, and my first week is already over. It has been an awesome, intense, different, crazy and incredible experience thus far. I have wasted no time since I’ve landed and have been experiencing so many new things. I’m adapting to a brand new culture, a brand new place, brand new people, and a brand new plan for the next 9 weeks.

My first day was spent getting to know my new home and my new family here with ADMT. I attended church, and met everyone that will soon be such familiar friends. I met with the ladies Bible study, hung out with the youth group, made friends with the kids around, and connected with Pastor Denford and his amazing family. It was such a rush of emotions to be in this new place worshipping God with these people SO PASSIONATELY and having no idea of what was to come of the next 2 months.

The next day, I was sent to the village of Mhondoro… again, with no clue of what to expect. There I met my host family for the week, Pastor Lameck, his wife Patience, and their two adorable children! The week in Mhondoro was all sorts of incredible. Incredibly impacting to see the projects that our CCV teams have accomplished before me. Incredibly encouraging to meet so many amazing people who were thrilled about my arrival. Incredibly hard to get used to yet a new place alone, this one without electricity or running water. Incredibly life changing to be able to laugh, play and interact with the beautiful children in the schools. Incredibly mindboggling to sit back and watch the Zimbabwean sunset and think, “Am I really here?!”… so I think it’s safe to say “incredible” is the word for the week.            

My week in Mhondoro ended early on Friday however, I was picked up a day short because I had spent the night throwing up with a fever… this is when I was hit with a whole other wave of emotions. I was doing ok with adjusting to the newness alone. I had moments of fear and loneliness, but I was doing fine. When you add being sick to being away from home and loved ones, it hurts on a completely different level. I was in so much pain, physically sure, but the pain of being so far away from home was the hardest to bear. I was filled with fear, doubt, loneliness and uncertainty… I wanted to be home with my family and loved ones rubbing my back and bringing me 7-up. I didn’t want to be strong. I didn’t want to be sick!

I was picked up and taken back to my home in Harare. My body was forcing me to lie down and rest for the next 2 days. With my rest came so much learning, so much time to hear God, the opportunity to finally start processing this crazy adventure of life, and to be STILL. I won’t lie none of it was easy. I didn’t want to lay alone and do nothing, I wanted to be back out working on something, or playing with kids. I didn’t want to process, because I didn’t know where to start. And, I didn’t want to be still, cause that’s when my heart starts breaking… but its what I was forced to do. I realize now how God used that sickness. I wept out all the lies, the fears and the doubts that filled my head. I spent the time journaling, processing and facing the emotions that ran crazy through my heart. I cried out SO DESPERATELY for help, guidance, and relief from God to enter my weak and sad body, and I felt him clearer than ever! I read, prayed and reflected more in one sitting than I have in weeks combined. I FINALLY dealt with issues I have ignored, put off and never fully gave to God before.

It was incredible, so hard, but incredible! I sit here on Monday after a weekend full of transformation. I still have a long way to go, but the freedom I feel from letting God in, and I mean TRULY letting him in is beyond words. I am learning things I could never learn without being isolated and alone. I’m experiencing Him in ways I never could if I wasn’t in a new and unfamiliar place. I’m allowing Him to completely change my life, because I’m letting Him break me down.

This life is such a beautiful gift. It may not always be wrapped with a shiny bow, but it is an amazing journey filled with ways to constantly be pulled closer to God. In the book I’m reading, Walking with God, the author put it this way:

“…Whatever you may be going through in your life, God ALWAYS has his eye on your transformation…”

I am continuing to learn how to give every last bit of myself to God, to let Him have all the control, because he’s always working on something…

He’s transforming!

Now with full health, full strength and a free heart full of excitement I start my second week of incredible transformation… let’s see what it has in store.